I worry about my little project, that it doesn't have enough life to sustain itself for thirty whole days. I lay in bed last night when I was supposed to be getting to sleep, worrying about it. The high school thing is maybe too old and tired for me. I always write boring things about schools. I don't want my story to limp ever; I want it to soar and dance and sparkle with lightning. I am having a lot of trouble fleshing out the internal part of the plot. The story is only interesting if that is very strong.

Aeryn scowled when I told her part of the plot I was thinking of, and claimed it didn't mean anything, but I'm worried. I can't quite love that aspect if she disapproves. I was really hoping for some good feedback and input and stuff, or even just enthusiasm on the parts that sounded good.

I also worry about the whole high school breakdown thing - it reminds me of a friend's life more than my own. And maybe she should be older, more mature. Maybe the whole high school breakdown is boring and dumb.

I just read the story we wrote, not too long ago. With the high-school multiple finding out about herself. It's awful, really terrible, but it's also too similar to what I'm thinking of doing now.

I think the whole thing should be in the hospital. Or at least it should start in the hospital, maybe flash back to how she got put in there. And I think she should be older.

I have to think of the characters and setting inside, maybe that would help me think of the events. Or maybe the events will come first. I keep drawing a blank.

There's the idea of a city, with the computer theme, the psionics and programs and stuff. But I haven't read all that much cyberpunk and I don't know where I could really go with that. There's the castle and forest and mist and stuff, the dungeon maybe and maybe the tribe of empaths who live on mist. That's harder for someone to fit in with, everyone has their place and lives are not so bustling or anonymous. The city idea is good for anonymity. It's also different. I just don't know how comfortable I would be in that. But hell, I'm not that much more comfortable in your standard fantasy either. I'm certainly not having big ideas.

So she's in a city. Like the City in the Sky can be the model. or the Endless City, but we know very little about that. I like the glass theme that the City in the Sky has. She is in the hospital, maybe chapter one can just be her outside in the hospital, in first person, she's looking back at the events that led her inside. And she's not a minor. She's a college student. But her mother will come down and visit, if we need her as a character. She's like us, except it's her first quarter of school, and she's fresh out of high school, which she barely finished although she graduated with honors. Or maybe it was the summer after high school. Or maybe it's her third quarter, hell I don't know. We'll assume she was in college, in the dorms, when the madness struck. I think first quarter. The being away from mother shakes things up.

She is in the hospital, thinking back a month, two weeks, some amount of time to when she got put in. Earlier probably. She's thinking back to starting college, first chapter can be all outside. She can talk about her daydream life, her fantasies, sometimes sexual in nature. The rhythm. She can talk about the darkness growing bigger and swallowing her for more of the time, she can talk about finding herself in situations she didn't know what to do with. She can talk about the being able to see but not control, like a car that didn't respond to the driver's input at all, but slid and slid on the ice without hardly a mind to the laws of physics.

And remember: it's OKAY to write badly! That's the whole Purpose!

I don't know what will happen inside, yet. I think the city idea might be a good one. But I know how I'll begin.