Category Archive for ‘tweets’ at tunneling

Archive for the 'tweets' Category

tweets for the week of 2012-05-13

Written on May 13, 2012 by tweets. 0 Comments

struggling with unbelievably intense feelings that no one will ever want me. ugh. i feel like such an idiot #
I have a sense of loosing ballast after therapy today, which is really the best sense that therapy can give. but we'll see if it sticks. #
feeling emotional, but it seems as if the cravings we could not master are halved since therapy yesterday. i want it, but not so consumingly #
in their place i guess is grief. #
ran out of concentration powers. wish i knew a quick way to renew them #
just randomly wrote for information about guitar lessons. don't know why i felt up to it today. #
for years i didn't take lessons because of social anxiety #
sometimes I read other people's tweets and wish I had an interesting life or interesting thoughts. I'd like to connect. #
drunk person walking past me at the bus stop lunged and yelled right into my face to scare me. I startled and he laughed. badly shaken. #
he was literally 2 or 3 inches from my face with his eyes bulging. it's the fact that it was on purpose that is making it hard to calm down. #
I know it's perfectly reasonable that I am scared, but it's still hard. #
walking home from breakfast alone #
baf time #
sometimes i feel like such an idiot. and not even for any real reason. #
my hips hurt too much to sit down and my head hurts when I use my phone or look at anything. ugh #
finally got to the grocery store. this is really the only time of day it doesn't give me severe panic. just moderate panic. #

tweets for the week of 2012-05-06

Written on May 6, 2012 by tweets. 0 Comments

feeling panicky and impending-doom-y. keeping in mind that tomorrow is a hard day. #
i should really keep some meds at work… or at least in my bag. panicpancpanic #
left my phone in my car, don't feel up yet to going down again. #
yesterday and today very tranced out. #
after a meeting, feeling soooo much better about work #
orange juice blackberry smoothie #littleswin http://t.co/eGYHcauD #

tweets for the week of 2012-04-29

Written on April 29, 2012 by tweets. 0 Comments

neither of my bosses are here and i don't really have a task… i feel so paralyzed and guilty #
walked home from convention place. whew! i really need to just buy some sort of bus pass #
got our ac all set up again all by ourselfs! #
home from therapy, exhausted. the despair is kicking my ass, like a lead apron constricting every movement #
even recognizing it may be programmed despair doesn't really help. it feels like that doesn't even matter. #
is so tiny you wouldn't believe #
happy birthday to my love @lazyqueer #
is worried #
went to restaurant nobody likes by myself… so tasty! #
ugggh i do not want to go to the grocery store #

tweets for the week of 2012-04-22

Written on April 22, 2012 by tweets. 0 Comments

such a headache… sigh #
i'm developing a knack for fucking myself over. and not in a sexy way. if this is what dealing w/ anger does, i'd rather not. #
if people get mad at me for feeling sad, at least i have depression as a defense. for mad at mad i got squat #
feeling lost. and discouraged that i can't feed myself. #
a weird thought… why are we not allowed to talk like littles? #
bed has been so uncomfortable lately. hopefully new sheets will help #
cannot decide whether or not to take the bus tonight… what is wrong with me that this should be so hard? #
wow… carmina burana (the ballet) totally blew my mind. wish my head didn't kill me when i look at anything for more than an hour… #
i'm making a loose resolution to contact someone outside of my immediate circle once every day or couple of days. maybe it will help. #
and hey – if you are someone i know, you can always poke me. i really wish i could broaden my circles #
my mind keeps replaying the second ballet from last night (carmina)… wish i could remember it better. it really impressed us. #
fuck, my head hurts. #
nauseous guess we just hadmemories spinning outofcontrol #
i think perhaps we are scared of sleep. #
really fighting programming. ugh #

tweets for the week of 2012-04-15

Written on April 15, 2012 by tweets. 0 Comments

it's tough to make inside kids a surprise easter basket, but we tried. http://t.co/xUKCj79U #
we maded tasty cookies from scratch!!!!!!! our back huuuurts from standing. #
it is so hard to find balance. so tired and beat. #
misses all their chances #
hate myself so much I approach everything wrong do everything wrong waste of breath #
angry and sad and worried and very angry at self for feeling anger. but maybe it is better to say it. #
spilled some cinnamon on myself and now i smell like cinnamon. i kind of like it. #
today is turning out to be one of those hard days that is good for staying in touch with yourself…sigh #
i am heavy this morning, hope has ebbed, i am so sick of stupid depression #
not a lot of good feelings in me, no wonder everyone is staying away #
i feel like i'm in one of @lazyqueer's dreams. i'm not. but feels like i angrily explain why i need love and it makes peopl ignore me.nottru #
i wish being lonely didn't deprive me of energy for difficult social encounters. #
ugh. emailed/txted/called most everyone i know. still nothing nobody nothing feels worse than if i hadn't tried. new heights of pathetic, me #
depths? i'd be sorry for spamming you, twitter, but i don't fucking care at this point. #
I (nymph) talked with the therapist almost the whole time -she's actually pretty nice #
(nymph) therapist thinks i need a lot of support so i can choose instead of following programming. #
i keep trying to tell myself it's not forever… i don't believe me. #
I hate how dependent I am. I should just die if I can't live alone. it is never going to get better I guess. #
I haven't been able to work I'm afraid I will lose my job because I'm such an idiot. I can't stop feeling clingy and borderline. #
it's like I suddenly stopped existing. and I just make it worse because I can't stop my feelings. #
you know, programming from childhood is hard, but it's nothing to programming that can be refreshed constantly. this week sucks. #
if that wasn't already obvious #
ordered some new sheeeeets #
we got the bedroom stuff pack in sims 3 for nymph and she is playing… http://t.co/xKFc7Tkg #

tweets for the week of 2012-04-08

Written on April 8, 2012 by tweets. 0 Comments

sad and lonely and hating self for it #
i think i'm… happy. and that's scary. #
all up and down #
i hate reading the first book of something i didn't know was a series. and it's worst when others haven't even come close to publication. #
worthless, alone, nauseous, sick
114 #
i want to be like water, flowing. i want to run clear. i am so heavy and clogged. #
anxious alfi's #
ack. that'll teach me to tweet from my phone. #
while walking up stairs #
holy crap I am exhausted. really don't like how hard sleep is getting. #
reminding self that we are allowed to struggle, that it's ok to be affected by easter #
tiiiiired #
i think cynthia is the only one of us that prefers major key songs #
is having a tough day #
or disabled! RT @AndreaPlaid: "Anyone who has ever struggled with #poverty knows how extremely expensive it is to be poor." ~ James Baldwin" #

tweets for the week of 2012-04-01

Written on April 1, 2012 by tweets. 0 Comments

new pants! http://t.co/fzUWiBtR #
my apartment has been giving me nasty static shocks lately #
had to deal with scary phone crap this morning and it is hard to recover. #
very emotionally low today. #
one of my tonsils is inflamed and i don't know how to tell if i should see the dr… really don't want to #
i'm not *that* sick #
think i'm probably still too sick for group… sigh #
is working from home today bc i am sick. it was scary to do. #
probably going around missing chances… sigh #
http://t.co/CQUQ7mNY #
small #

tweets for the week of 2012-03-25

Written on March 25, 2012 by tweets. 0 Comments

soo tired #
soo tired… hm, that sounds familiar #
is awaiting their brother to come up for a shower #
very tired and anxious but trying to give myself room for that #
is in very bad emotional shape today. nothing i can do but go with it #
wanting to die… so hard to make room for myself… so fucking tired #
head is k i l l i n g me. but no wonder. it's been a long week. #
made a quick mind-map of our system this morning, got a bit more elaborate than i meant. feel very multiple #
http://t.co/Finjeymd #
paid a whole bunch of bills and filed my taxes. so glad, was dreading it. #
used up most of my money to pay the stupid overpayment from ssa, even though i was actually disabled for the time they said. but, #
i'm still too disabled to deal with challenging it. #

tweets for the week of 2012-03-18

Written on March 18, 2012 by tweets. 0 Comments

guess it's a nothing kind of day after all http://t.co/4ukiLmHx #
also feels guilty, but don't really know why. maybe for not leaving the house #
ugh cannot get self to wake up #
showed our therapist our art program and she liked it! #
snow! http://t.co/PgWiilfz #
http://t.co/QbNCRpSd #
my headache today is kind of ridiculously severe. got it at the ballet last night and it doesn't appear to be letting go #
ruins all their chances #
got all the smoothie ingredients in the blender… poured some leftover pinapple juice in without looking… it was GREENISH-BROWN. #
and it got on EVERYTHING. but we started over. but it was still upsetting! #