in edges’ spirit of imperfect performances, i’m going to post my song, even though it’s very very amateur of a recording. it’s copyright 2008 to me, all rights reserved – for some reason i’m way more paranoid about my music than my writing.
sorry it’s not a streaming format – if i decide to post more maybe i’ll figure that out. for now, please to enjoy the mp3.
i’m excited this morning. i had a long guitar session in which i sort of took stock of my skills and stuff i’ve been recently working on. it’s gratifying; i’ve definitely improved loads since this time last year. for a long long time, i was stuck basically having no skills beyond chords, and some very very simple fingerpicking from ani songs. and even with chords, i was having trouble singing to any rhythm other than the basic syncopated-approximation i developed without conscious thought years and years ago.
wow. just… wow. i went to the music store with ej the other day, as i mentioned, and i picked up a distortion pedal for my electric guitar. just a simple one, almost the cheapest they had. i was restrained. and i wasn’t sure it would create the sound i wanted; i wasn’t sure if i needed a preamp or something. but it works beautifully. and it sounds so damn good. just now is the first time i’ve had time to really play with it, because we were doing homework or hanging with friends or sleeping basically all the hours since we got it.
i’m not sure that i’m settled enough to write, but we can see. i’m having a good day, actually, although i am procrastinating on this week’s semantics homework. i had bagels for breakfast, and the kids spent a little time playing the sims with aeron. then, we went and got our hair cut at scream (since ej and indigos both seemed to think it was a good place to go, and it’s practically on top of our house) and it was so great. the person was very nice and very good at asking questions and we were able to ask for the back and sideburns to be straight across, and it was very nice. also, the neck hair trimmer didn’t hurt my neck the way the clippers do.
i am in a frustrated place with guitar. maybe just a plateau. i don’t know. but i realized today that there is no frigging way i’m going to be able to play the song i’ve been working on, which is the theme song to serial experiments lain. it’s been really fun learning to play because aeron likes the song a lot. so i feel connected to him whenever i am practicing it.
sticking to one hobby has been one of the best things i could have done for myself. we’ve always been so divided between interests. but the satisfaction i’m getting from guitar this summer is so much richer and deeper than the satisfaction of dabbling in many things. every week i can do more than i could the week before. every day i look forward to aeron getting up so i can go practice… and i linger lovingly over it. having a daily practice checklist of scales and pieces and stuff has been so helpful.
today – just ok. i’m not unsatisfied. i’m big enough to write, again, not to let triggers dictate my actions, not to need to prove something in silence. if i want to write i should write. it is only we who matter, in this regard. only us here stopping ourselves. only our fingers dancing or stilled, whichever we choose.
slow this morning, tired, depressed. yesterday we broke our mp3 player, a chance event that somehow managed to suck all the color out of life. we can’t justify getting a new one. i know it’s not that big a deal. but for some reason it got us thinking along the track that our life is meaningless. if something like that could flatten us, what is the purpose of being alive?
i’ve added a brandi song to the daily guitar routine – i’m really getting close. the only thing hard about it is just what i’m working on – a barre chord. an easy one, b minor. and today once or twice as i played the song a few times through, i actually hit the bm in time and it sounded correctly. with no break in the strum pattern.
i feel rewarded, and humbled. relieved. suddenly nothing is quite as unmanageable. and yes, of course, i feel stupid. but that goes with almost any territory. learning to ignore it is a valuable skill.
