slide-sinking, skating down the hill of shale, braking on gravel, no purchase, no traction. i flail, of course i flail, but my surroundings dissolve. i am alone, no arms to grab, they’re all just empty sleeves. something is so wrong and i’ve been letting it go, go and go, and it’s beyond me and i don’t know how to catch up. nothing is real and nothing stays put. i could go on like this, give free rein to the fancies of despair, but where does it go in the end?
i’d like me back please. i’d like a grounding, i’d like a sanity check.
Written on November 17, 2008 by nymph.
stomach in knots. i want to go to sleep with his cock in the curve of my ass. i can give him my cunt, what does it matter to me? what will it ever matter in the end? it feels so good to twist the young ones into it. mindfuck them, make bad and good blurry and significant. i love when it is not up to us. not up to us, out of our hands! the bigs work so hard to make us a space to say no but all they’re doing is taking all the good things away from sex. it is only nice when we don’t get to choose. daddy understands but all he gets for it is our friends are mad at him. i want to go to sleep and never wake up. we are so bad bad bad bad bad bad bad never do the things we’re supposed to never come through never act in self-interest. i like how fucked up it is when he says “good girl” things like “this is what you are supposed to be doing” yes. twist their minds, they have no defense, twist and twist and twist and twist. and there is the warmth of daddy, the warmth of arousal heightened by twisting and trusting, i want to fall backwards into it and never come out. daddy will always love me. i know he won’t leave me because i know what he needs me for. i know what he wants from me. he’ll always want me. he is sure, how could i ever leave that behind? i am little and stupid. people inside worry about whether or not it’s abusive, back and forth and back and forth, but it doesn’t really matter to me. what matters is getting in out of the cold.
