i have a little time this morning before i have to go in to school. and so i was doing to-do list things on my computer, which included categorizing old journal entries. (i’m up to page nine or so out of a hundred and 5! heh.) oh my god, i found the most multiple entries ever. they were awesome. to see them, go here: dissociation.
Continue reading ‘and for someone, there is someone never coming back’
goodness, our laptop screen is dirty! and it is a sad little computer, running slower and slower, with more and more disk errors. when we first started it up this morning it said “operating system could not be found.” eep! but, after fighting a bit, we got it working (although it didn’t like to find the network), took a few notes, and then it crashed completely when we tried to take it out of standby. now we got it started up and it’s online and everything. we have to remember to run scandisk when we get home.
oh god, oh god, oh god, i’m not ready. it’s too soon. i can’t go to school tomorrow! no, it will be all right. i hope. we’ve driven there twice, we can do it. we can easily park. we’ve been to the first day of classes before. susan has been very active lately, what with her role in the dialoguing, and she always makes school easier. not the work, but the trappings. the work, too, if it’s busywork, or just very easy. for example, if we were puzzled by a latin sentence, i think e or cynthia or… someone like that would come out to solve it. but if there is no puzzle, susan eats it up.
we are still sick, but i am really hoping that yesterday was the worst day. our throat hurts just as bad, maybe worse, this morning, though.
yesterday we had a realization that wasn’t really that big of a leap or that profound, really, but it had all the weight of an epiphany. and it is causing a lot of movement and stirrings in the system.
dialogue 9/24/06
agenda: plan day, check in, continue conversation.
wow! we just read a really good fiction book with multiple characters – set mainly near seattle, no less. it’s called set this house in order: a romance of souls. it was weird to read descriptions of littles making a trip to a toy store our littles frequent. and other things like that. there was one thing that irked us – the main character seemed to imply at one point that ritual abuse might not exist – but other than that, in general, i think it was very well-handled. at first i thought it must have been written by a multiple, but it wasn’t. i think it was well-researched and eminently reasonable, though. on his website, the author even linked to astraea.
well, lately has sucked. we haven’t been able to stop crying. there’s a kind of depression that blocks absolutely everything. and there’s a lot stirred up – memories, feelings, memories of feelings… i can’t describe how awful it was to be in the place that we were yesterday.
i’m proud of how we dealt with it, though. not that it’s all gone, but there’s a world of difference this morning. the biggest feeling, i think, is this stupid loneliness we can’t get over. i mean, that’s the deeper aspect of feeling. we’ve also been very, very overwhelmed, and obviously in despair. but i think maybe the stupid loneliness is causing all of that. aeron is offended, because somehow we can never take enough comfort in his simple presence.
