Written on January 31, 2006 by Uncategorized.
thanks for the sympathy, everyone, about our being sick. i know we shouldn’t complain but we are running so close to capacity now that this extra load of being utterly MISERABLE all the time in the head and throat and nose and limbs is added to all the other weights we have to carry.
agein: to lead, carry. only not really, of course, because those aren’t greek characters.
i have quite a bit to still get done today and i am not able to make my head stop swimming enough to do it. we got some zinc. i hope it helps.
our spanish essay is in good shape, and we finished the peer editing homework that we had for reading other people’s. so now we just really need to do our greek… and add a million flashcards….
Continue reading ‘the world is treating me bad, misery’
Written on January 29, 2006 by cynthia.
we’re sick and it sucks. we never know what is going on. we can’t concentrate on this homework because our head is spinning. we can’t get a topic that we like for our stupid, stupid spanish presentation. our japanese section leader never got back to us about how the professor wants us to do our japanese presentation. our throat hurts realllllly bad. i really hate colds. i am all alone!!
so… it’s morning. we were so exhausted yesterday that we went to bed at seven in the evening. consequently, we woke up around five-thirty this morning… ah, joy. you know, except for the exhausted part, i could have said that whole two sentences in japanese.
we had a long talk with aeron day-before-yesterday, about some of the stuff that has been troubling us. we did it instead of therapy, because our therapist thought she might be getting sick, and we could tell that aeron didn’t want us to go and possibly get sick. and hey, it’s not like we can afford to get sick either, now that we have someplace to be every day. but it was a shame, because we really needed therapy. we’ve just been running into the ground lately… just so trapped. but really so many of the things had to do with aeron… not superficially, but it was aeron in our head we were really trying to impress, trying to be good for. so to hear reassurances and logic from his mouth was the most helpful thing.
Continue reading ‘and some girl going down’
today we went to the gym, talked to the scary people to get a sort of little permanent locker in the locker room to keep our workout clothes in, worked out, and took a shower!
it was very difficult, very rewarding, and it wasn’t really that hard to be naked as we anticipated. after all, we’re not ashamed of our body, it’s just difficult to convince ourselves that it really is socially acceptable. and the showers have stalls. so, yay.
we also did all our homework for the whole week, except the daily stuff for spanish. woo hoo.
maybe now we can relax. and give ourselves some credit.
Written on January 18, 2006 by chris.
we fucking give up. we will never be able to catch up with fucking life. we have been doing the best we fucking can, and a damn fucking good job although no one bothers to tell us that or call us, ever, and we got home to find out that alienware had charged us for the video card they sent us, even though we sent the video card back the very next day.
it’s not that. it’s fucking everything. i just fucking give up. no piddling amount of token support will ever be enough for the fucking needy kids, we will never feel comfortable making a mistake at school, we reached out all the fucking ways we knew how.
fuck this.
Written on January 16, 2006 by claire.
the happy three-day weekend is almost over. i keep feeling like there’s something i want to say. we showed indigo “the butterfly effect” yesterday, but we really wanted to watch a movie aeron got us for our birthday. he got us “much ado about nothing” (one of our favorite movies, the version they made of it in the early 90’s) and we haven’t been able to watch it because apparently it would embarrass him so much that he couldn’t stay in the same room with it. and we don’t want to drive him out, or be alone without him. so… i dunno. we also got pizza. it is nice to just hang out with no agenda really.
Continue reading ‘trying to regain control’
Written on January 15, 2006 by sg.
we got animal crossing! that is the game we have been waiting a long time to get. it is pretty neat, but slow. it is not intended to be played in big chunks, it is intended to be checked back on every day or so. just like the sims 2, and nintendogs. so we have got to learn to just check in with those games but not need to play them all the time. that is kind of hard because they are so fun! even though they are all sort of non-games. like there’s no end or point or anything, it is just fun to play and be in the world.
Continue reading ‘it’s just me…’
trembling worrying dying inside. can’t see how i can possibly get through the day. so mad for this; i have to be perfect. i fucking have to. the kids are so much stronger than us grownups. they don’t have anything to prove to anyone. they don’t present a smooth uncracked front all the time.
on the one hand, see, i want to be heard & seen, like last night which a kid had to start it, i want to be loved, i want to be cared about, maybe even worried about a little. (just a little.) but then the overwhelming part of me says there’s no reason to inflict me on others, and if we show that we’re having a hard time people will think we can’t do it, that we’ve proved we always fail. i’d really love things to get a little lighter, a little easier. there will be a lot to take to therapy on tuesday i guess. maybe we can try to tackle some of this stuff there.
Continue reading ‘it never ends’
Written on January 9, 2006 by claire.
well, i finished all my homework – strange thing! it’s just because i did so much over the weekend. all i left to do for today was the summary for unit four of my greek text, and of course the daily flashcards/studying. which can take a while, when you’ve got 50-110 flashcards each for three different languages. but i’m a good, and i finished everything. i have everything done for tomorrow, and some of the stuff for wednesday.
i really have been putting a lot of hours into my classes, more than i expected. i guess that’s what happens when you have vocabulary to learn.
Continue reading ‘where’s the comfort in’
Written on January 7, 2006 by claire.
i don’t know how it happened so fast, but the house is a mess again. well, i should rephrase. the living room is a mess again. and it’s pretty much all my fault. it’s just that i haven’t had time for anything all week.
we got our scanner on wednesday – yay! it’s not going to be practical to try to scan our textbooks though, since the inner margin gets lost. but it is still quite cool. there’s not many times we need a scanner, which is why we’ve waited so long to get one; but there are times. it’s so nice to think that i won’t have to go to the copy shop ever again.
i’m not sure what i’m doing with myself this morning. i know i need to take a shower, get dressed, clean the house a bit. it would be good if i could go cash some checks i have, return my greek textbook (since the new greek class has a different one), and i really want to try visiting the school gym today when i don’t have classes to worry about. since i need to go up and return my book anyway. and then there’s my spanish homework.
Continue reading ‘to not feel real’
