you might notice more pictures lately. this is because i let afterrain.org lapse. oddly enough, it’s still up, despite the registration paid-for ending. but soon enough it will be down. yes, it’s cheap to have a domain, but no, i didn’t use it as much as i wanted. tunneling is good enough, i think. i still love and will miss the design of after the rain though.
Continue reading ‘the world is so little and still’
so the school application is finished, sent, paid for. and we don’t have to do anything with seattle central but show up monday september 26th. and health stuff is yucky but we got a doctor’s appointment and we’re on MORE antibiotics and we can email people and be like “sorry not for at least a week” so that’s ok. sort of. i mean we’ve been really productive. but we still need to call about getting aeron a therapist. it SUCKS that he had to miss his intake appointment. but it will happen. and indigo will help us call to get a doctor at her place and we can switch to the qfc pharmacy which is better. we went there to get our antibiotics and they were very nice and professional. much better than rite aid.
Continue reading ‘well it’s just a simple fact’
i HATE EVERYONE i hate them i hate them I HATE THEM who do they stupid think they stupid are why doesnt promising matter i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care they are so stupid inside too who cares if we cut i hate them i dont care we are alone forever even when someone promises to take care of you like if you burst into sobs forever at the doctors office they promise to take care of you then they just come home and fall asleep. i should just cut anyway that would show them i HATE THEM. and i hate stupid indigo for acting like shes so perfect and so put upon we dont care that she didnt come around yesterday but she should have told aeron that she had to cancel and she should have told us that she just didnt care about us enough to teach us to drive anymore even when the car was fixed. i hate that we dont even seem to deserve a STUPID explanation. she wasnt in a coma she shouldnt say she was unconscius. im not saying she could have come to group or anything but she should have canceled when she told aeron and me she could play with us. im sure she wont come around tomorrow like she promised either and i dont even CARE shes not the only person with scary stuff going on at the doctor sg and others had to have horrible painful embarrassing stuff and the doctor was really not very helpful and nice at all and who cares but if youre going to tell litltes that you will help them you better fucking help them. all i can DO IS CUT and I HATE OUR BIGS for not letting us. and i hate stupid nymph because she is the real reason we dont cut anymore. no one loves us anymore and *i* dont care but i hate them because they make our kids inside feel bad and i dont like our bigs inside I HATE THEM but the littles deserve better.
we’re hanging on, to breath and life, to hope, still barely. so many things crowding our hope away: health problems, depression from transitioning off the celexa, worrying about the school application, therapist on vacation for so long now. but there’s light too. many inside are excited about school (taking japanese 101 this fall, at the community college.) the new camera, smaller and lighter than the old, practical for bringing with always. the rats, always, their small intent breaths of life.
Continue reading ‘lump in my throat’
we’re getting on pretty well. i think. we had a lovely, LOVELY birthday with more presents than we could imagine. life is going to be okay. we went to the admissions advisor on friday, who helped us. apparently it’s much easier to get into UW if you’ve attended a washington community college, so on monday we are going to head down to seattle central and look into taking a class this fall.
