2011 September Archive at tunneling

Archive for September, 2011

tweets for the week of 2011-09-25

Written on September 25, 2011 by tweets. 0 Comments

in phoenix, worrying abt time #
i love my @lazyqueer #
full of hope and fear, desiring, embodied, hurt. the throughway seems like it could be awareness… but so many blocks. #
the director of my graduate program just accidentally imed me… heh! she is nice though #
feel so worthless and tired and alone #
hurting, tired, so very sad #

tweets for the week of 2011-09-18

Written on September 18, 2011 by tweets. 0 Comments

sick, sore, sullen, stuck, slow, overheated #
why can't i ever make progress? why doesn't it feel like progress when i do? #
good morning http://t.co/xNl9URU #
not really holding together. fuccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk #
really, really struggling #
made it home. it is very important that i work from home this afternoon and also i can't. #
is having a tough time and worried about @lazyqueer #
is in a strange stasis. nothing is safe but everything is on hold. #
i feel better than yesterday, but i think that is the weight of the decision. a decision i really can't agree with. #
my head has not stopped hurting since all of this started. i don't know what to do. #
really struggling and alone #
everything sucks. i can't do this #
good night. #
really, really, really hopeless (on my own behalf). and angry on @lazyqueer 's behalf. #
i keep saying/thinking i don't know what to do. but as @lazyqueer pointed out, my work lately has been to be. why do i have to do? #
emailed my boss… ugh. #
home from work. our legs hurt so fucking much. #
does not want to be awake. ugh #
panicfear #
not looking forward to this day… #
at the gate. now to wait two hours. #
at gate a1, which makes me feel like it's not a real gate. #

tweets for the week of 2011-09-11

Written on September 11, 2011 by tweets. 0 Comments

it is still time to not be alive #
happy morning all. I care about you #
nowhere is warm enough for me #
got groceries… a huge effort #
i am a lot more temperature sensitive when i'm being aware of my body. it's annoying #
argh, twitter spam. don't mention g r o c e r i e s if you don't want it! #
really bad headache… sigh #
home from work. massage today. scaredoverwhelmed. also present. #
done w massage. think it was really good. but i am overheated and tired #
you know what i really like? plums. why don't i ever eat them? #
waiting for study. trying to practice mindfulness with my fear, with varying success. eeeeeeee #
still waiting… #
learning, slowing, attraction, repulsion. I think meditating is getting easier. #
had an awful time with a person inside who holds anger, last night. and i'm scared to say it, but i think things are… looser, today. #
it takes all the grace and openness i can muster to access the parts of my system that are least gracious and open. and resent me for mine. #
i could not work at home today for no reason i could discern. so i'm trying to accept it and trust there is a reason. #
also, i should acknowledge that eating is getting difficult because of a bad cankersore. #
you know, i still get more done than my two full-time coworkers. so it really should be ok to get slack #
ugh i did not get enough sleep, could not get to sleep last night. was so uncomfortable in my skin. #
wanted to go to the grocery store, but can't. trying to respect that. it's hard. #
pretty bad headache all day today. i try to be aware of it, and i feel this incredible pressure, melting a little as i see it #

tweets for the week of 2011-09-04

Written on September 4, 2011 by tweets. 0 Comments

here. going to jump out of my skin but here. i hate this. fuck. #
made it to work. ok for another few hours i think… #
trying to be okay with being alive #
if you want to eat something mindfully and don't know what, try an ice cream sandwich. ommmmnomnomnomnom #