2011 June Archive at tunneling

Archive for June, 2011

tweets for the week of 2011-06-26

Written on June 26, 2011 by tweets. 0 Comments

finished all my filing! that is a DRAINING task! feels sooo good to have that stack gone. #
my body hurts everywhere. )o: #
some days just aren't going to be good… #
canceled therapy #
so bad headache #
practicing accepting what is. #

tweets for the week of 2011-06-19

Written on June 19, 2011 by tweets. 0 Comments

i had to lift and move two scooters to get out of my parking spot! i thought i might have to bus home! #
fortunately, they were very light. but even so i only just squeezed through. i hated to touch someone else's vehicle, but i had to #
time for an aches and pains bath #
http://twitpic.com/5c1t5l #
coming to grips with the fact that i'm in one of my worst headaches ever. feel guilty for taking space #
i can't go to ballet. #
it is so stupid, but for me the worst part of a headache is the boredom. can't look at anything or move #
needs to die, needs to cancel group or be able to go to it, needs to die to die to die to die to die to die to die. wow. #
confirmation of worthlessness should not hurt so much. it is nothing new. but it is really hard. #
why won't this stop why can't I do anything with myself it's not like I could be any good to anyone #
i am very, very sad. but i am a little better than before #
trying to find strength and will to live. i am so ashamed of myself for being so emotional. #
going to try to go to ballet. scared #
made it to ballet, but it was tough. feeling really alone. #
headache, and my body is cramping after the exercise. back to the bathtub… #
slept in our new bed without trazodone … that's pretty cool #
wanted to check out this apartment, but i just don't think i can do it alone. called ae but no. i feel really guilty but i can't. #
i'm sure something else will come along closer to when i would have wanted to move. it'll be ok. it's just this place is perfect. #
ae called back… we're gonna try! #
I was five minutes too late. oh well. it didn't have a dishwasher anyway. #
trying to be without judging. i've been so totally caught in binds. trying to step lightly, lightly #
meditating this morning, i noticed my mind was full of good and bad labels, i couldn't stop hoping and fearing. #
http://twitpic.com/5dtb3g #

tweets for the week of 2011-06-12

Written on June 12, 2011 by tweets. 0 Comments

http://twitpic.com/57y9d8 #
heh http://twitpic.com/58e86h #
finally home. got distracted and didn't notice the time at work. i'm so glad i'm paid hourly. #
ativan is nice… we should always use it for grocery shopping… #
every bit of me hurts and I need sleep but can't get it. I feel unstrung. but very proud of @lazyqueer for getting through yesterday #
i think i'm losing my mind this time this time i'm losing my mind #
fighting a lot of suicidal impulses/voices i hate that they're there i know it is so selfish and melodramatic when my *friends* are hurt #
i feel so guilty it is my fault everything is my fault i didn't fix it this is what happens when i'm careless, everyone around me collapses #
but i know they need me to not fall apart right now and being consumed by guilt is terribly selfish too i need to stay intact #
the most selfish thing of all is wanting to die. when we were so scared that others would die. we won't die people just think we need to #
and i have to go to work and have the big weekly meeting and i just dont even know how we're going to get through #
and i'm sorry for whining on twitter. people inside say we should email the backup therapist but that is so stupid and scary #
i mean what could he do or say? nothing. we wish our real therapist were there. at least we could feel her caring. she is on vacation #
and i know it is so STUPID when everything else is so much more big but we got two tickets to the ballet tonight and … #
we just feel scared and depressed that in all likelihood we will have to go alone. but i mean we're not upset with anyone if they can't go #
we're just sad and scared and depressed. some say it is selfish to go at all. need to devote every ounce of energy to helping #
here, shakily. #
really really happy we made it to the ballet. #
feels like we are losing everything and it's all our fault. #