tire tracks and footprints cover a thin layer of slow, with asphalt visible beneath
i guess this does better with how i’m feeling than i could…
(things are bad things are really bad things are not getting better things are very very bad)
Archive for November, 2010
I don’t know how to get through this. It is really bad. I’m alone, will always be alone, and nobody will care or see. I know I’m being stupid and melodramatic. I can’t even care.
everything is broken, broken-down, pointless and rusted. I have not got any of anything that I need to make it through. yes, discouraged, but more than that too. oh shut up. I don’t actually know what I’m saying.
everything in our brain is on endless repeat, tired trackless loops that spin into nowhere. we made the mistake of writing some of it down, and the attempt to find patterns felt like the bad kind, the worst kind, of being invisible. like being ignored. we still writhe at the memory. our own fault. stupid stupid stupid. everything in us is broken and there is no fix, the attempt to find a fix just grinds everything into the ground. crowded feelings we’re not used to, like anger, like envy and jealousy, stupid petty grievances that come from too much absorption in our own perspective. I despise us.
people feel like everyone gets help but us. it’s all so preposterous. I hate having feelings that are so refutable, so dogged by shame.
